While infidelity can occur
at anytime in a relationship, there are certain times
when it is more likely to occur than others. In addition,
there are certain relationship factors which can dramatically
increase the potential for infidelity.
Throughout the life of nearly all relationships, there
are four timetable events which can breed infidelity.
After the First Year of Marriage. This
generally is a time at which most people would not consider
the likelihood of infidelity to be that great. For this
reason, it is also the time when affairs are the least
detected.
After the first year of marriage, the whirlwind ends,
and routine begins to set in. The emotional high that
both partners had been experiencing is gone. This leaves
a void. It is similar to the effects of drugs. Once you
are high and come back down, you want to get high again.
The new husband or wife may no longer consistently supply
what is needed to find that high.
Affairs occurring after the first year of marriage are
almost never detected, and are typically just flings.
There is no real emotional attachment to the other person
and the cheating partner can still feel love their new
husband or wife. Regardless, if it happens here, the chances
of it happening again later on in the relationship have
increased substantially.
After the First Child is Born. This
occurrence can sometimes be blended in with the previous
scenario, as many couples may have their first child after
the first year of marriage. Aside from that, the reasons
between the two can be very different.
Children change a relationship no matter how you look
at it. And the first child is always more traumatic than
the rest. It brings about stress, fatigue, and the need
to give the majority of your attention to someone other
than your husband or wife. While affairs after the first
year of marriage are brought about by an individuals feelings
towards himself or herself, affairs after the first child
are brought on by the couples feelings towards each other.
The 5th to 7th Year. This is widely
referred to as the seven year itch. It does not imply
that at exactly the seven year point in a marriage, someone
will have an affair. What is does mean is that somewhere
around this time, it may. This is due to the relationship
running its natural course, and achieving the goals which
had been set. A couple gets married, has kids, buys their
dream house and establishes their careers. So what's left
now? Doing the same thing day in and day out for the rest
of their lives? Growing old and bored together? The anticipation
of greater things to come is gone.
This scenario is the most common cause of all affairs.
A man or woman may feel that the "project is completed"
and nothing is left to do but sit and watch the days pass.
They are bored, unhappy or just plain tired of living
the American dream. A new house may be purchased, perhaps
a new car. Hey, lets have another baby. Anything to add
some excitement. But the rush from these quick fixes is
short-lived and bittersweet at best.
Affairs occurring at this stage in the relationship
are often the most damaging. The cheating individual traditionally
develops a deep bond with the other person. The faithful
mate will question the others fidelity more than at any
other point. Affairs occurring during this period will
continue for the longest period of time as well.
Middle Age. Also known as the mid-life
crisis. This is where the children are all grown and have
left an empty nest. At this point, both men and women
begin to question their lot in life. They are essentially
back where they started; a couple living together with
no children to care for. Except now they have around twenty
years of experience with each other. This lends itself
to the question of whether they want to spend another
twenty plus years with the same individual.
This second childhood so to speak, brings around noticeable
changes in both men and women. A man might buy a sports
car, a woman might feel the need for a new youthful hairstyle.
Both may start exercising or purchase a new, "younger"
wardrobe. Whatever the particulars, they will not be doing
this for the benefit of the other. They will be doing
it for themselves as much as for anyone other than their
mate.
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